Once Upon A Kanker
by Scary Spikender
Summary: Jonny and Plank get another nighttime visit, this time from everyone's favorite Park N' Flush denizens.


A single light that hung down from the ceiling illuminated a silent, quaint, and lightly decorated bedroom. Two potted plants sat in two corners of the room, and the blinds of a window were pulled up, revealing a vast night sky with a crescent moon hanging drearily overhead. A speaker with a candle on top of it sat next to the bed, and a rug was on the other side of the bed. There was a single picture in the room of a flower, and below the picture sat a simple bed that had white sheets and had lettering carved in it that read "Jonny + Plank". There was a square hole in the floor of the room a little ways from the bed that had a basket hanging from a rope and pulley. The silence of the room was suddenly punctured when the rope hanging from the pulley began to be pulled. After a few moments, a bald boy with a green shirt and white pants, as well as a wooden board, came up through the hole in a large, white wicker basket. When the basket went up as far as it could, the boy grabbed hold of the piece of wood and leaped out of the basket and toward his bed.

The boy crawled under the covers of his bed and quickly wormed his way up to the headboard. He then popped out from under the covers, the board in tow, and settled down into the soft white of the pillow that rested against the headboard. "Comfy, Plank?" Jonny asked as he looked over at Plank, who simply smiled back up at him. "Alright then, buddy, what will the story be tonight?" Jonny asked. There was a momentary silence as Jonny listened to Plank's answer and nodded slowly. "You've got a bed time story, Plank?" Jonny questioned in a surprised tone. "Oh, alright, buddy, I'm all ears!" Jonny answered as he snuggled down beside Plank and listened to a story only he could hear.

Suddenly, the bedroom walls began to creak and squeal, as if something was worming its way behind them. Jonny sat up and looked around, gripping Plank tightly at his side. "Uh oh..." Jonny whispered as the noises grew louder. Jonny reached over the side of his bed and grabbed a baseball bat that was sitting up against the wall. "It's those darn Eds again!" Jonny said quietly as he inched toward the edge of his bed. The noises continued as he got on his feet and walked over to the wall, Plank in one hand and the baseball bat in the other. "This time we're not taking prisoners, Plank," Jonny said as he readied himself, the sounds becoming localized to the wall in front of him.

Jonny leaped back in surprise, however, when a pair of teeth burst through the wall and began to carve a circle in it. "What the... maybe we do have wall weasels!" Jonny exclaimed as he watched the pair of teeth complete their work. The circular section of wall suddenly fell away to reveal May, Marie, and Lee; when Jonny saw them, he went bug eyed. "Holy cow, Plank, run for it!" Jonny squealed before dropping the baseball bat and making a beeline for the basket.

"Wait!" Lee shouted causing Jonny to stop in his tracks and whirl around. "Don't leave us here!" Lee pleaded as she tried to squirm her way into a better position. Jonny stared at them for a second before realizing what had happened.

"Wait a minute... you guys are stuck, aren't you?" Jonny said aloud as he looked over at the Kankers, who were all crushed together.

"Yeah, so-" Lee began, but was quickly interrupted by Marie.

"Get your foot out of my stomach, May!" Marie sneered angrily as she glared at May.

"Then get your elbow out of my back!" May snorted as she glared back at Marie.

"Stop arguing!" Lee shouted, causing May and Marie to shut up. Lee then turned her attention to Jonny. "Hey, baldy, get us out of here right now!" Lee yelled at him, causing Jonny to jump back in fright. Jonny just stood there, staring at Lee fearfully. "Hurry it up, or I'll-"

"Or you'll do what?" Jonny asked as his entire demeanor changed from one of fright to one of dominance. "You guys are stuck! You can't do anything to me!" Jonny exclaimed, feeling confident.

"Oh yeah?" May challenged before spitting at Jonny. Her spit ball landed way off of the mark and instead hit the floor beside him.

"You're an idiot, May," Marie jeered as she wiggled around fruitlessly.

"Now if you'll excuse us, we're gonna call the cops!" Jonny said before beginning to strut toward the basket.

"Please don't!" Lee cried. Jonny turned back to her. "Listen... uh... whatever your name is, just get us out of here," Lee said calmly. "Oh... uh... please?" Lee added as she flashed him a fake smile.

"I don't think so; me and Plank know all about you guys," Jonny began as he stepped over to the Kankers, who were immobilized within his wall. "If we get you out, you might try to kiss us!" Jonny said as he held Plank close to him.

"Ew, in your dreams, weirdo," Marie said, disgusted.

"Tell you what, if you let us out, we won't lay a finger on ya," Lee offered. Jonny seemed to consider the offer for a moment.

"Alright... but let me talk to Plank about it first," Jonny responded before turning around. He began to whisper to Plank, causing the Kankers to look at him in confusion.

"Is he talking to that piece of wood?" Marie asked quietly as she looked over at Lee and May, who were uncomfortably close to her.

"Beats me," May answered. "But for some reason, my back suddenly itches..." Jonny suddenly turned back around.

"Okay, looks like I'm gonna pop you guys out of my wall," Jonny said, causing the Kankers to collectively sigh with relief.

"Just hurry it up, cause being this close to May's ugly face is killing me," Marie teased as May stuck her tongue out at her.

"But first, you guys gotta tell me how you got inside of my wall!" Jonny exclaimed, much to the Kankers' disdain.

"What? Why the heck do you want us to do that?" May asked incredulously.

"Hey, me and Plank need a good bed time story!" Jonny answered. He suddenly looked down at Plank. "Oh, no offense, Plank, but yours stunk!"

"No way, get your own bed time- Ouch!" Marie yelped as Lee launched her foot into Marie's back.

"If the kid wants a bed time story, then we're gonna give him one!" Lee seethed as she turned her attention back to Jonny, who had snuggled back under the covers of his bed. "Now let's see here..." Lee said to herself as she thought about how to start.

"I know!" May announced. "It all started when- Ow!" May cried as Lee hit May's head with her chin.

"No way you're telling this story, May, you'll screw it up!" Lee said angrily.

"Me and Plank are getting bored over here..." Jonny said as a casual threat.

"Just hold on a second," Lee answered as she collected her thoughts. She sighed, finally feeling ready. "Okay, so it all started..."

* * *

_"... when we were walking down the lane and toward the cul-de-sac."_

May, Marie, and Lee strolled casually down the lane; Lee was in front, and May and Marie were following closely behind her. Although Lee looked relatively normal, May and Marie had iron collars around their necks, shackles around their arms and legs, and their clothes were very dirty and torn in places. "Hurry up, you stupid, idiotic, fat, lazy slobs, we're never gonna get to see _my_ boyfriends if we keep walking like this," Lee shouted angrily at May and Marie, who both nodded eagerly with big smiles on their faces.

"Yes, Lee, we'll-" Marie began but was cut off when Lee whirled around to face her.

"Lee?" Lee seethed angrily as she cracked her knuckles. Marie donned a panicked expression, struggling to maintain her smile.

"Did I say Lee?" Marie squeaked, terrified. "I meant Master!" Lee smiled and then patted Marie on the head.

"That's better," Lee said condescendingly. "Now, try again."

"Yes, Master, we'll go faster," Marie said as she gave a weak smile.

"You better, Marie, or you'll be scrubbing the toilet with your toothbrush when we get home," Lee threatened before turning back around. "Now let's move!" She ordered as she began to march forward, May and Marie quickly following her. May, who was obviously scared witless, finally gathered up enough courage to speak.

"Where are our-" May began but quickly stopped when Lee glared back at her. "I mean, where are_ your_ boyfriends, anyway?" May asked as she beamed at Lee.

"Don't worry about that, May," Lee answered as she smiled evilly. "Just leave all the thinking to me." As the Kankers reached the end of the lane and came out near the entrance of the cul-de-sac, they spotted Kevin, Rolf, Nazz, Sarah, and Jimmy all playing in the street. Kevin was riding his bike around, showing off to Nazz and Rolf, while Jimmy and Sarah sat nearby and drew pictures on the pavement with chalk. Lee stopped and looked over at the group of kids, and May and Marie quickly stopped behind her.

"Why did we stop, Master?" Marie asked.

"Well, I think we're gonna pay my subjects a little visit before seeing my boyfriends," Lee explained as she began to walk forward, May and Marie literally tripping over themselves to stay close to her.

"Hey Sarah, I'm going to draw a picture of-" Jimmy began before suddenly choking up. Sarah looked up at Jimmy, concerned.

"What's wrong?" Sarah asked as she held Jimmy's hand in hers. Jimmy suddenly jabbed his finger in the air behind her, causing her to turn around. Sarah's expression quickly turned to one of fear as she spotted the Kankers walking towards them. She then turned back around and stood up. "Kevin, Rolf, Nazz, the Master is here!" Sarah shouted, causing Kevin, Rolf, and Nazz to stop what they were doing.

"Aw man..." Kevin muttered before hopping off of his bike and running over, Rolf and Nazz in tow. The kids all lined up in front of the Kankers, who had stopped a few feet from where they were playing.

"What is it, oh great one?" Rolf cried as he and the other kids fell to their knees and looked up at Lee, who had a huge, devious smile on her face.

"It's time for each of you to grovel at my feet and tell me how great I am!" Lee answered as all the kids nodded quickly and fearfully.

"You're so great, that my dreams are filled with images of your immaculate face!" Jimmy claimed as he leaned down and kissed Lee's foot.

"You're such awesome person, that I wish I could be as hot as you one day!" Nazz declared as she too leaned down and laid a big, wet kiss on Lee's foot.

"Rolf wishes he could be as strong as Master Kanker-girl one day!" Rolf chimed in as he leaped forward, grabbed hold of Lee's leg, and began to lay kisses all over it. Lee reared her leg back and kicked Rolf square in the face, sending him flying backwards.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, just don't over do it, Farmhand," Lee said as Rolf picked himself up off of the ground. Lee then turned her attention to Sarah and Kevin, who hadn't said anything yet. "Well, what about you two?" Lee asked as she leaned toward them threateningly. Kevin and Sarah, although scared, suddenly stood up in defiance.

"No way, I'm tired of this!" Kevin shouted as he crossed his arms angrily. "I ain't groveling at your feet like some little slave!"

"Yeah, I'd rather be beat than worship you!" Sarah added as she struck a fighting pose. Lee simply chuckled before balling up her fists.

"Rather be beat, huh?" Lee asked as she stepped toward Kevin and Sarah menacingly. "Well, if you insist!" Lee yelled as she leaped toward Kevin and Sarah, who cried out in fear. Lee began to cackle evilly as she beat the tar out of Kevin and Sarah, who laid on the ground helplessly and took the blows full on. "Take that! And that! That's right! Scream like a little-"

* * *

"Yawn," Marie suddenly said sarcastically, interrupting Lee's story.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lee asked angrily.

"It means that your story is so boring that it could peel paint off of walls," Marie shot back before giggling.

"My story is not-"

"Plank agrees!" Jonny claimed as he laid on his bed and stared at Lee, who was fuming. "Plank says that he's heard better fibs from talk radio!"

"Alright then, if you think you can do better, Marie, then you tell the stupid story!" Lee shouted in anger, causing Marie to reel back as far as she could in her current predicament.

"As if, I'm not telling some stupid story," Marie answered as she looked over at May. "May should tell the rest of the story." May's face lit up at the suggestion.

"I should?" May said excitedly as she began to squirm around in joy.

"This one better be good..." Jonny muttered to himself as he looked over at May, who was thinking of how to begin.

"Okay, so starting from where Lee left off..."

* * *

_"... Kevin and Ed's sister had just stood up to Lee, and boy was she mad!"_

May, Marie, and Lee all stood on one side while all of the kids stood facing them. May didn't have any buck teeth, her skin was flawless, and she had a perfect figure. Marie was a hunchback with tattered clothes, and her face was absolutely hideous and deformed. Lee had a loin cloth and a shirt on that was made of tiger skin, and she had a huge under bite. She had a big club sitting on her shoulder, and she was drooling profusely. "What you mean buzz off?" Lee grunted as she stared blankly at Kevin and Sarah.

"What we mean is, we aren't putting up with you or Marie's crap any more!" Sarah shouted angrily.

"Except for May, cause she is the hottest girl alive," Kevin added as he gazed longingly at May, who simply blushed.

"You're too kind, Kevin," May said in a upper class, British accent.

"So that means you two have to go!" Sarah said as she pointed at Marie and Lee, who began to get angry.

"But Lee no want to go! Lee want stay and be mean!" Lee grunted as she hopped up and down.

"But why do I have to go?" Marie asked, her voice really high and squeaky, as if she had sucked in a ton of helium. "Can't I stay?" Marie asked as she stepped toward Kevin. Kevin gasped and leaped behind Sarah, peaking out over her shoulder at Marie.

"No way! You're no where near hot enough to hang out with us!" Kevin cried as he stared at Marie's face in disgust. "But not you, May, you're so radical, you can hang with me all day!" Kevin said as he swooned over May, who just giggled in response. Jimmy suddenly ran up to May with a pen and a photo of her in hand.

"Oh sexy goddess of love, can I have your autograph?" Jimmy asked as he stuck out the pen and photo toward May, who took them with a smile on her face.

"I'm always willing to do anything for my fans," May answered as she scribbled 'To Jimmy From May Kanker' in the lower right corner of the photo. "There you go," May said as she handed the photo back to Jimmy, who squealed in delight. Marie suddenly stepped forward and smiled, which stretched the deformed skin of her face.

"Do you want my autograph too?" Marie asked, causing Jimmy to shriek in fear and jump backwards.

"Stay away from me, you monster!" Jimmy cried as he ran off toward his house screaming in fear. Sarah cleared her throat, causing all attention to be focused on her.

"Alright, alright, enough of this crap!" Sarah started as she stepped toward Marie and Lee, who looked down at her. "You two get out of here or we'll beat you up!" Sarah shouted as she balled up her fists and shook it at them.

"Lee no go, Lee stay and fight little brat!" Lee shot back as she slammed her club on the ground right in front of Sarah, who jumped backwards.

"Yeah, you can't tell us to go away!" Marie shouted as she limped forward.

"In that case, we're gonna form an angry mob and send you two back to the drain pipe you crawled out of!" Kevin yelled as he produced a torch out of nowhere.

"Yes, Rolf agrees! We will drive these horrid monsters into the sea!" Rolf shouted as he pulled a pitchfork out from behind his back.

"Totally, dudes, let's get rid of these fashion disasters!" Nazz cried as she pulled out a rolling pin.

"That's more like it!" Sarah added as she pulled out a baseball bat. The group of kids began to march menacingly toward Marie and Lee, who started to back up in fear. May suddenly leaped in between her sisters and the kids.

"Get out of the way, May! We've got to pummel these two monsters!" Kevin shouted.

"Please, have mercy on my two hideous sisters!" May pleaded as she stepped toward the kids. "They can't help it if they were severely beaten with the ugly stick when they born!" May added as she dropped down on her knees.

"Well..." Kevin trailed off. "Normally I would listen to you because you're so freaking hot... but we've had enough of your sisters and their ugly faces, so we're gonna pummel them anyway!" Kevin exclaimed as he shoved May out of the way, allowing him and the others to continue to move toward Lee and Marie. May watched in horror as the kids surrounded her sisters, ready to destroy them once and for all.

"Can't anyone save them?" May cried into the air. "Can't anyone help my poor, hideous, deformed, dumb sisters?" May shouted hopelessly as the kids moved closer and closer around Marie and Lee, who were cowering in fear.

"I will save them, fair maiden!" a voice suddenly called from down the street. Everyone suddenly stopped what they were doing and looked in the direction of the brave call to arms. They looked on in awe as the clouds split and a white horse with wings began to descend from the sky, neighing as its hooves clopped on thin air. The rider held up a golden sword that shone with a light as powerful as the sun, blinding the kids.

"Oh no!" Kevin shrieked as he and the others backed away from Lee and Marie.

"It's... it's..." Rolf stuttered as he dropped his pitchfork.

"It's my brother!" Sarah shouted as she pointed up toward the flying horse. The rider, who was clad from head to toe in shining white knight armor, lifted up his visor, revealing himself as Ed. The flying horse finally reached the ground, and Ed looked down in defiance at Kevin and the others as he pointed his sword at them.

"Back away from those poor souls, peasants, or I, the Hottest Knight to Ever Live, will slay you!" Ed ordered as he swished his sword around in the air. Kevin, Sarah, Rolf, and Nazz began to slowly back away, fear overtaking every fiber of their beings.

"Okay, okay, just don't hurt us, big brother!" Sarah cried as she and the others dropped their weapons and fell to their knees. Ed, feeling like the threat had been neutralized, then shifted around on his horse and looked behind him.

"Squire Eddy and Squire Double D, come hither!" Ed shouted. Edd and Eddy appeared out of nowhere in a puff of smoke and ran over to Ed. Edd and Eddy were both wearing armor, although it was no where near as fancy or intricate as Ed's.

"You called for us, your lordship?" Edd asked as he and Eddy bowed at Ed's side.

"Indeed I did, Squire!" Ed began as he lowered his sword. "Retrieve the unfair sisters of the fair maiden and deliver them to safety!" Ed ordered as Edd and Eddy stood up.

"No problem, Sir Lump-a-lot!" Eddy answered as he and Edd ran over to Marie and Lee, who were staring in awe up at Ed. Ed turned his attention to May and smiled.

"Now then, fair maiden! Come here and climb atop my horse!" Ed said as he patted his horse's saddle. May ran over to the horse eagerly and stuck her arms out toward Ed, who grabbed hold of them and pulled her up onto his lap.

"Oh Ed, you're such a brave knight!" May exclaimed as she stared romantically up at Ed, who returned her gaze.

"And you are such a fair maiden, that I don't know if I can control myself..." Ed answered as he began to lean toward May, lips puckered.

"Oh Ed..." May moaned as she began to lean toward him, her lips puckered as well. Their lips suddenly touched, and then they pulled each other close for a romantic kiss. Spittle began to fall down from their lips as May began to explore Ed's mouth with her tongue.

* * *

"Ew!" Jonny cried as his face scrunched up in disgust. "Me and Plank don't want to hear about that!" Jonny added as he stared at May, who was literally drooling over her story.

"The weirdo's right, May, no one wants to hear about your fantasy with Ed!" Marie shouted as May sucked up her drool.

"It's not a fantasy!" May shot back, her face turning red with anger.

"Not a fantasy?" Marie asked incredulously. "That's weird, cause I don't remember Ed flying in on a horse and making out with you!" Marie added before smiling evilly at May.

"Shut up!" May cried as she tried to wrench her arm free to punch Marie in the face.

"Bring it on, May!" Marie answered as she began to squirm around in an attempt to free to her arms as well.

"Stop it!" Lee shouted as May and Marie continued their struggle.

"May started it with her stupid story!" Marie huffed as she breathed heavily.

"Who cares who started it, I just want to get out of this stupid wall!" Lee shouted as she tried to worm her way out.

"That's it, I'm going to get the phone..." Jonny trailed off as he began to scoot toward the edge of the bed.

"Wait a second!" Lee cried, causing Jonny to stop. "Marie still hasn't told her part of the story," Lee said as she looked down at Marie.

"Look, I said it before, and I'll say it again, I ain't telling no stupid story," Marie said as she looked away.

"Come on, Marie, if you don't, we'll be getting pried out of this wall by the fuzz," Lee claimed as Marie looked back up at her.

"Well..." Marie muttered, unsure of herself.

"Me and Plank really need a good bed time story!" Jonny exclaimed. Marie sighed deeply.

"Fine, just gimme a sec to think of how to start off from where May's stupid story left off..." Marie muttered as May rolled her eyes. "Alright, so none of that dumb crap with the flying horse happened, but..."

* * *

_"... the Eds did show up after we beat the snot out of those losers."_

The Eds all stood watching in fear from a distance as the Kankers stood over a pile of kids, who were all moaning in pain from their severe beating. The Kankers all looked fairly normal, as did the Eds. "Did you see that, Double D?" Eddy whispered in a low, panicked tone. "The Kankers annihilated them!" Eddy added fearfully as the Kankers turned to face them.

"Just who we were looking for..." Lee said slyly as she and her sisters began to walk toward the Eds, who were frozen in fear.

"Whoa, wait a minute, we didn't do anything!" Eddy cried as he, Ed, and Edd began to back away from the Kankers.

"Don't worry, boys, we aren't making war anymore," Lee answered as she flashed Eddy a smile.

"Yeah, we're making love!" Marie chimed in as she and her sisters began to run toward the Eds.

"Run away!" Ed shouted as he grabbed hold of Edd and Eddy's wrists and began to drag them toward Edd's house.

"I love it when they play hard to get!" Marie said as she and her sisters chased the Eds vigorously.

"Please, Ed, you've got to run faster!" Edd pleaded as the Kankers began to gain on them.

"Faster it is, Double D!" Ed shouted as he redoubled his running. When he reached Edd's door, he didn't stop to open it, but simply plowed right through it, causing it to fly off of its hinges and crash into the wall. Ed sat down Edd and Eddy in the living room. "What now, guys?" Ed asked as he looked back at the open doorway, fearing that the Kankers would come crashing through at any second.

"I've got to get to my phone!" Edd shouted as he ran up the stairs, Ed and Eddy following him quickly. May, Marie, and Lee suddenly ran through the front door.

"Where'd they go?" May asked as they strolled into the living room.

"They're probably hiding again..." Marie trailed off as she looked around.

"I bet they ran up to Double D's room," Lee said as she walked over to the foot of the stairs.

"Double D's room? Good, I can snuggle under the covers with my man," Marie said flirtatiously as she and her sisters began to climb the stairs, each of them giggling quietly. They reached the top of the stairs and walked over to Edd's door, which was closed tightly.

"Alright, on the count of three, we burst in and grab them," Lee said quietly as she and her sisters huddled around Edd's door. May and Marie readied themselves as Lee began to count. "One.. two..." Lee whispered as she got into position. "Three!" Lee shouted as she and her sisters broke down Edd's door. As they stood on top of Edd's decimated door, they saw Edd with the receiver up against his ear, and Ed and Eddy shaking and holding each other next to him.

"Oh crap..." May muttered when she spotted Edd, who had a strange grin on his face as he looked over at them.

"You didn't call the cops, did ya?" Marie asked fearfully as Edd gave a weak little smile.

"The cops?" Edd asked. "Silly Marie, I would never call the cops," Edd explained as he sat the phone down.

Marie sighed with relief. "Good, cau-"

"I just called my Lord and Master Satan!" Edd shouted as he threw his arms up in the air. Suddenly the entire house began to shake, causing books to fall from shelves, Edd's ant farm to tip over and spill all over the floor, and all the furniture to rattle.

"What the heck?" Eddy shouted as he climbed up on Ed's shoulders; Ed was grinning like an idiot.

"Oh boy, Eddy! We get to meet Satan!" Ed shouted with glee. "Uh... who's Satan?" Ed asked as the ground continued to shake. Edd suddenly pointed an accusing finger at the Kankers as he smiled deviously.

"And now, Kankers, for your sins, Satan will send his demons to devour your souls!" Edd shouted before beginning to laugh evilly.

"What the heck is your problem, Double D?" Eddy asked in a panicked voice as he watched Edd with wild eyes. Suddenly, the floor in front of Edd cracked open, and an inhuman screech echoed throughout the room.

"What do we do?" May yelled as she shielded her ears from the scream.

"Run for it!" Lee cried as she ran back out of Edd's room.

"Let's go, May!" Marie shouted as she grabbed hold of May's shirt and yanked her out of Edd's room. The Kankers dashed down Edd's steps, which were slowly falling away into a deep, black chasm. As the Kankers reached the bottom of Edd's steps, the floor split wide open in front of them, and they skidded to a halt right at the edge. As the Kankers glared down into the chasm, they could see bright orange fire miles below them, skeletons hanging out of the chasm walls, and demons fluttering around with blazing red pitchforks in their hands.

"Holy crap!" Lee clamored as she teetered on the edge.

"We've got to jump it!" Marie said. Marie and her sisters then backed up and then ran forward. They jumped over the chasm together and landed on the other side. "Now let's-"

"Help me!" May shouted as a skeletal arm shot out of the chasm and grabbed hold of May's leg.

"Hold on, May!" Lee yelled as she and Marie ran over to May and grabbed hold of her arms.

"Let go of me!" May yelped as she fought against the skeleton, which refused to let go. Marie and Lee, gathering up all their strength, yanked May as hard as they could, freeing her from the skeleton. They then went flying backwards and out of Edd's door, landing on his lawn. The three of them then stood up and watched as Edd's house, which was still shaking badly, suddenly collapsed in on itself. As the dust settled, they could see that Edd's house had been reduced to a pile of rubble.

"Oh no, the Eds were in there!" May cried as she fell to her knees and began to cry. Marie and Lee stared sadly at the place where Edd's house once stood, neither of them being able to find the proper words for what they felt. Lee began to pat May on the back, wanting to calm her grieving sister down.

"It's alright, May, they went to a better pla-" Lee started when suddenly the ruins of Edd's house began to shake once more.

"It's not over yet!" Marie shouted as she pointed to the rubble. Suddenly, scores of skeletons burst out from the rubble, all of them wielding an assortment of rusty, bloody weapons, such as swords, axes, maces, and spears. They slowly marched out from the rubble and toward the Kankers, who began to back away from the terrifying horde.

"This is a nightmare!" May shouted as she held onto Lee tightly. The Kankers backed off into the street as the skeletons marched across Edd's yard.

"Right you are, May Kanker!" a voice bellowed from the ruins of Edd's house. "This is your worst nightmare!" Suddenly, the sky turned blood red and the sun fell out of the sky. The ground began to shake violently as a huge sinkhole rose from beneath Edd's house and swallowed it whole. The Kankers then heard an ear-shattering, monstrous roar.

"What was that?" May screamed in fright as she held onto Lee in a vice-like grip. A huge, skeletal claw gripped the side of the sinkhole, and the Kankers watched in horror as a massive undead dragon rose from the pit.

"I'm guessing it was that!" Lee shouted as she pointed up at the beast. Its skeletal nostrils flared with poisonous fumes as it stared down at the Kankers. A huge, nasty, purple tongue wormed its way out from the dragon's mouth and licked its lips, leaving trails of gooey saliva. It pulled itself out of the pit and onto Edd's yard, its huge form taking up most of Edd's property.

"Look, it's the Eds!" Marie yelled. Sure enough, atop the beast stood Ed, Edd, and Eddy, who were all smiling evilly as they stared down at the terrified Kankers. The Eds were all wearing dark black robes with hoods pulled up over their heads. Edd held up his hands, and the skeleton warriors and the dragon he was standing on all quieted down.

"May, Marie, and Lee," Edd bellowed in a commanding voice as he looked down at them. "You will now be destroyed by the forces of Hell!" Edd shouted as the dragon reared back.

"Let's run!" May suggested as she tugged on Lee's shirt, who was frozen in fear as she stared up at the dragon. Lee snapped out of it and then grabbed hold of Marie's arm.

"May's right, let's run for it!" Lee said as she pulled on Marie.

"No, we've got to stand and fight!" Marie answered as she stood defiantly in front of the undead army. Lee looked at her in shock, not believing what she just heard.

"Fight? With what?" Lee asked fearfully. Marie smiled before reaching behind her back.

"We fight... with the power of Rock!" Marie screamed as she pulled a blue electric guitar from behind her back. Marie pulled the guitar strap over her shoulders and then retrieved a glowing red pick from her pocket.

"Ha, you're going to fight us with a guitar?" Eddy shouted before laughing. "That's rich!"

"Indeed it is, Eddy," Edd said. "Now surrender and perhaps Satan will have mercy on your pathetic souls!" Edd shouted down to the Kankers.

"We will never surrender!" Marie yelled back as she held the pick up to the strings of the guitar.

"Are you crazy, Marie? Let's just give up!" Lee pleaded as she gripped Marie's shoulder.

"Listen to your sister, Marie. Resistance is fruitless," Edd claimed as the dragon began to gather up its strength.

"I guess you didn't hear me the first time, Double D!" Marie shouted. "I said never!" Edd couldn't help but smirk a little.

"Then you will be destroyed!" Edd yelled at the top of his lungs as the dragon sucked in a huge breath of air.

"Holy crap!" Lee screamed as she and May turned away, preparing for whatever the dragon was going to do. The dragon suddenly shot a huge purple beam of energy down at the Kankers.

"Go dragon go!" Ed shouted with joy as he hopped up and down on the dragon's back.

"What the-" Edd stuttered as he heard Marie begin playing her guitar.

"Take this!" Marie cried as she pointed the end of her guitar up at the purple beam of energy that was speeding toward her and her sisters. Marie began strumming her guitar furiously, a glorious guitar riff sounding out for all to hear. Suddenly, a beam of blue energy shot from her guitar and hit the dragon's beam head on.

"No way!" Eddy shouted in disbelief. The two beams appeared to be equally powerful, as neither one of them budged an inch.

"Impossible, no amount of Rock can resist the power of my beast!" Edd yelled. "Now kill them!" Edd added as the dragon gathered up more power. The dragon's purple beam suddenly strengthened and began to push back the blue beam of Marie's guitar.

"Augh!" Marie growled as she strummed as hard as she could.

"Come on, Marie, you can do it!" May cheered on as sweat began to pour down Marie's entire body.

"Guitar, don't fail me now!" Marie pleaded as she cranked up the power on her electric guitar and began to play again, causing her blue beam to grow super strong. The blue beam began to push hard against the purple beam, and the purple beam slowly receded.

"Double D, the stupid dragon is getting his butt kicked!" Eddy said fearfully as he grabbed hold of Edd's arm.

"Drat!" Edd cursed as Marie's beam drew closer and closer. Edd leaned over the dragon's shoulder and looked down at the skeleton army. "Warriors, stop her before it's too late!" Edd commanded. The skeletons began marching toward Marie, weapons raised and ready to attack.

"They're coming, Marie!" May cried as she pointed over at the large group of skeletons closing in around them. Marie turned her attention away from the battle for a moment to look at May and Lee.

"We've got to make a run for it!" Marie exclaimed as she continued to play her guitar. The Eds watched with glee as the skeletons drew closer and closer to Marie, who was literally playing her guitar as if her life depended on it. "Now!" Marie cried as she leaped toward her sisters and pushed them out of the way. The Kankers landed in a pile as the purple beam struck the spot where they previously stood, frying a few skeletons in the process. The Kankers quickly got to their feet and looked at the crater that the beam had left.

"That was close..." Lee muttered as she dusted herself off.

"Your dragon missed, Double D," Ed pointed out as he looked over Edd, who crossed his arms.

"I can see that, Ed..." Edd answered before leaning over the shoulder of the dragon and looking down at the Kankers. "You may have escaped my dragon's death beam, but now we shall see just how fast your little feet can carry you!" Edd cried as he pulled out a whip. "Devour their souls, my mighty beast!" Edd commanded as he cracked the whip against the dragon's back, causing it to roar.

"Run!" Marie shouted as she and her sisters began to run across the cul-de-sac. The dragon propelled itself forward with its massive claws and began to chase the Kankers, the Eds cackling evilly as they watched the Kankers scurry away.

"We need to hide, fast!" Lee shouted as she looked back at the dragon, which was drooling hungrily as it gained on them. Marie looked around, her face filled with panic. She then looked over at Jonny's house.

"Follow me!" Marie ordered as she made a break for the house. Lee and May quickly followed behind her, the dragon hot on their heels. Marie ran up to the side of Jonny's house and raised her guitar in the air.

"Hurry, Marie!" Lee screamed as she and May turned around and looked up at the huge dragon that was leaping at them. Marie brought down her guitar and broke a hole in the side of Jonny's house. May and Lee screamed in terror as the dragon's mouth opened up, ready to swallow them whole. Marie suddenly grabbed the shoulders of her sisters and yanked them inside of the hole in Jonny's house.

* * *

"... and that's how we got inside of your stupid wall," Marie claimed as she sucked in a breath of air, her story more than a mouthful. May and Lee simply stared at Marie, who was becoming uneasy. "What?" Marie asked.

"And you called my story a fantasy..." May snorted angrily.

"Yeah, what kind of bull crap was that?" Lee questioned as she shifted around. "Satan? Dragons? What have you been smoking, Marie?" Lee asked.

"Hey, at least my story was cool, y'alls stories were stupid," Marie answered as she looked over at Jonny. "Besides, I bet he... liked... it..." Marie trailed off as she looked over at Jonny. Her sisters quickly looked over at Jonny as well. Jonny was sitting there, his eyes wide in shock, sweat running down his face, and his lips trembling. He held Plank tightly to his chest as he shook violently. "What's wrong with him?" Marie asked.

"Son of a- Marie, you scared him!" Lee yelled angrily.

"Shut up, my story was great! I can't help it if he's got no balls!" Marie shot back as she looked over at Jonny. "Hey, kid, snap out of it!" Marie said as Jonny slowly winded down.

"That... that... that..." Jonny stuttered as he stared blankly at the wall. "That was horrible!" Jonny finally said, finally snapping out of his fear-induced trance. "I'm going to have nightmares for weeks!" Jonny cried as he held Plank close to him.

"Who cares, you got your stupid story, now get us out of here!" Marie shouted as she squirmed around.

"No way, I'm definitely calling the cops now," Jonny answered, although his voice was still shaking.

"Wait a minute!" Lee pleaded as Jonny climbed off of his bed.

"Not this time, I'm calling the cops no matter what," Jonny claimed as he began to walk over to the basket.

"Look, what if we did something in return for you freeing us?" Lee begged as Jonny stopped in his tracks. He slowly turned around to the Kankers, his interest reinvigorated.

"Okay... well, what will you do for me?" Jonny asked as he went over and sat down on the edge of his bed, his fear slowly subsiding. The Kankers all stopped for a moment to think. May suddenly smiled.

"How about I sing for you?" May asked, causing her sisters to go wide eyed.

"May, don-" Marie began but was cut off when May began to sing.

"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb!" May sang as Jonny shielded his ears and Marie and Lee squirmed around in agony, her voice grating on all of their ears. "Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as- Ow!" May cried as Lee hit her on the head with her chin.

"Dang it, May, your singing sucks!" Lee shouted.

"Whatever..." May muttered angrily.

"Besides, I got what this guy really wants," Lee claimed as she looked up at Jonny, who was listening intently. "If you let us out, I've got a piece of gum in my pocket that you can have!" Lee offered as Jonny stared at her.

"Gum?" Jonny asked. "I don't want any gum! Besides, I bet it's already chewed," Jonny said as Lee smirked weakly.

"Guilty as charged..." Lee whispered to herself. Everybody's attention then shifted to Marie, who had stayed silent.

"What? Why are you all staring at me _again_?" Marie asked in anger.

"Come on, Marie, me and May already tried giving him stuff, now it's your turn," Lee answered.

"I ain't got nothing to give," Marie responded before shrugging.

"What's that, Plank?" Jonny asked as he held Plank up to his face. "Plank says he hears sirens!" Jonny exclaimed sarcastically, causing the Kankers to look at him fearfully.

"Quick, Marie, think of something!" May pleaded as Marie sighed.

"Fine..." Marie whined, finally defeated. Marie then began to think of something, anything that she could give Jonny in return for their freedom. She stared at the floor as she rattled her brain for ideas. After a few moments, she looked over at Jonny, who looked back at her eagerly. "Aw, to heck with it," Marie complained as she looked Jonny dead in the eyes. "You want a blowjob, kid?"

"Score!" Jonny exclaimed before tossing Plank to the side and grabbing a crowbar from under his bed.


End file.
